dating tips from greek mythology

thoodleoo:

• the best way to seduce a girl is to turn into an animal, they think that’s real hot (also, you can totally make jokes about what a bull you are in bed)
  
• kidnapping is a good second choice if that doesn’t work
• if somebody else dates the person you have a crush on, just steal them away and start a 10 year war
• if you get a woman pregnant and your wife finds out and makes you blow her up, just sew the baby in your thigh and hobble around until your leg is ready to give birth, your wife totally won’t notice
• if you kill your dad you get to marry your mom, that’s the rule (warning: may result in blindness and plague sent as divine punishment)
• relationship not working out? just leave her on an island, that’s never had any negative results
• if you’re not ready to be a father and she tells you she’s pregnant, you can always either stuff the kids back into her womb once they’re born or you can make yourself a nice babycue sandwich
• if all else fails, just stare at your reflection in a pool of water- you have so much in common, after all